The distance

Distance. What seperates us, it's often distance. Sometimes all you want is a hug, a chat, and I suppose modern mediums make that possible - Facetime etc. But distance, it can be a bugger, and to be honest, this week I've felt that...

This week has been a bit of a rough one, I won't lie. Since January life has been pretty much on that upward scale; remember, the gradual climb I spoke about last week? Basically that, but this week, for the first time since, I've been 'knocked for six' a bit. A big factor? Distance.

Whatever you feel about someone, at distance, is always emphasised right? If you love someone, the distance emphasises feelings of anxiety, it emphasises feelings of deeper love, or the sadness of being apart. That is what distance does - emphasise. For good, for bad.

It's been a strange old week, big ups, huge downs, and I suppose it's all about how you react to those changes, and your next move.

Grief, on the other side of the world

I hate writing about grieving; the most immense pain anyone can feel is that - to grieve. The worst part, at least for me, is that distance that separates you and your loved ones from that hug you both need after that news. Blood, or not blood, that bond that you have intensifies during grief, and I'd give anything to hug my family and friends at the moment, especially Dec.

A close mate of me, Dec, and school friends from our days in a City school, passed away this week. It was Thursday night I got told, off the back of my last shift for Easter at work, we all (work friends) headed to our place for celebratory drinks, we love a party here, and a chat. As I was sipping a beer talking to a mate, Dec calls me, and tells me that our friend had passed. At first I couldn't process what he'd said. He was only our age, why now? 

Suicide, at this age, our twenties, any age, is just awful. So terrifying, unexpected and cruel. We live in a world where a young person feels that their only route is to take their own life. Heartbreaking. Well, for our friend, Elijah, he unfortunately decided that was the way he would go. It hit me like a brick; what do you even say in that moment? I mean, Dec knew Elijah far better than me, spent time with him so often, called him almost daily, gamed with him all the time. Imagine how he feels? That feeling of, am I comforting Dec enough, while also personally dealing with the gried of his passing, all while that huge 10,000 mile gap separates us? Phone calls are great, but they aren't enough. I know that.

We have all experienced grief, the unexpectedness of it, and that sharp jagged pain it shoots at us, but it never, not even once gets easier. That's the hard part. We learn through experience, we toughen up, sure, but man it hurts. 

I was actually just walking down the street yesterday, as I got home, I realised I had a label on my trousers, a pair of jeans I bought maybe, say, a month ago? My mum would've noticed it, she would've fixed it. In a way, it sparked that spiralling thought of how much I miss love ones - no, not because they remind me of how I always forget to remove labels from new clothes, rather because they spot things I miss, hug me when I didn't know I need one. The little things you didn't know you needed, the good ones give you that. I miss that, and need that.

The past two weeks have been tough ones, but, for the sake of those lost, we have to keep smiling, and making the most of the life we have, more importantly this life we should be very grateful for - one many won't/didn't get the opportunity, and pleasure of experiencing. 

If this week has taught me anything, it is to be grateful, and remind loved ones how much they are loved.

Rest in peace, Elijah, brother.

This crazy party house

Okay, the title might be a bit of a misrepresentation of what the household is - actually, the house is a beautiful duplex in Sydney's 'North', a family household, but in fairness with how the last couple of weeks have been, it wouldn't be a lie to call it somewhat a party house - or, our floor, a party floor. 

My welcome dinner, then the party, then celebrating the last shift before Easter, drinking all the leftover wine - and holy shit there was a lot - and finally a sort of mini-party on Saturday. If there was a competition for how many recycling bins we could fill, or the most people sleeping on one sofa, or maybe even the most people on one balcony, I reckon we'd be pretty hard to beat, if the race is even still going? We've been busy, and honestly, I don't foresee it slowing down in all honesty.

Maybe the house isn't so crazy, but my morning energy and routine definitely gives it a level of craziness - I tend not to hold back on music volume, or dancing in the kitchen. Where possible, that is. I have to be careful how much I thrash about as Bella just bought an eisel, and is dedicating herself to life as an artist - she hates what she paints, but they actually look really cool. Georgia drew a pigeon the other day, it looked really good, little did I know, the pigeon had Human feet. Strange? Sure. But in a weird way, I kinda fuck with it. Art isn't meant to be straightforward, well, at least not for everyone, right? I thought it looked cool. So, I now have a photo of my Mum, me and my Grandma on my bedside, with a Pigeon featuring Human feet flanking it. The art of contrast, right?

Of course, as I've said, the week has been shadowed by some pretty cruel thoughts. But like I've stressed for so long, and will continue to as the sun comes down on an amazing year-long trip to Australia, the people make the moment - and let me tell you, if it weren't for the good people around me, god knows where I'd be, and the state I'd be in. I'm strong, but I know without my mates I'd have struggled. All my work friends, my housemates, everyone. I need them, and I'm so lucky to have them. I'm having the most fun I've pretty much ever had, and I have them to thank for it.

God knows where this weekend will take us, we have a couple of friends leaving - Peter & Sofi - and I would say that should we party for them based on how significant they've been as friends, the blog will probably be out late next week, lol. I'm joking, but in all seriousness, that could happen...

Here's to a few more beers, and more filled bins - as Georgia's mum told me this morning, she's never had to borrow a bin before, until now! Yeah, we are doing it right, aren't we? Haha. Why not, a month till we leave...

The flight back

Speaking of when *WE* leave, yes, that was a teaser, Georgia has just rescheduled her flights. Now, originally, she was going to Qatar for her layover, flying with Qatar Airlines into Heathrow airport, before heading to Clapham where she will be staying. However, with the world being how it is right now, and Qatar being a place that is 'touch and go,' a big understatement from me, Georgia booked onto a new flight. Not just any flight, but my flight. We've agreed to hold back on our typical drunk humour, just for the flight, but what a flight that is going to be.

I'm honestly not a nervous flyer. I'll overthink about pretty much anything, but flying, travelling, all of that stuff? Doesn't worry me one bit. As long as I've booked my own stuff, no issues at all. Others booking for me? That's a story for another day, Declan will tell you - lol, I'll never let him live that one down. I will say though, while I'm not a nervous flyer, I am a heavy thinker, and all that time - nearly 30 hours - gives you a lot of time to think, believe me. I remember how I felt after only being away for a month and coming home from Aus, back in Feb of last year, now imagine flying home after a year out? Complete mind-fuck. Swirl of emotions, sad to leave friends, happy to see friends and family - a bittersweet flight. But my god am I excited, and to share that with my friend, all the world more excited.

I'm pretty sure a few Tiger beers will be drank, and so the rumour goes, Georgia has access to the AMEX lounge pre-flight. Now should that be the case, the only mission is keeping our eyes open, getting on the flight, and eating so much that plane food is just a snack.

What a happy little ending this is turning out to be for my first stint in Australia...

I really need my hobbies 

I send Dan, my best mate, probably five minutes of voice notes most mornings. As someone who frequently complains about ill-times voice notes, I am somewhat of a hypocrite; in my defence, life is hectic at the moment and Dan, who calls me most days, is not someone I can miss catching up on. So, to make up for the no calls, a voice note suffices.

Anyway, this mornings voice note - Tuesday morning - first day back at work, what I'm calling the start of a new week. First day back at work is usually my signal of the week-start, this weekend was also 'long weekend' as most places - including Cabana - closed for Easter. I was talking on the voice note about life, feeling gradually better as the days go on, enjoying what's left of the experience, but then the last part really hit me - I miss my hobbies. I did all this on the way to the bus stop, breathing was heavy, and it did make me think, am I working out enough? I'm back in the gym 3-4 times a week now, but the cardio could do with some work.

Hobbies - underrated forms of physical and/or mental exercise. Time for fun, passionate fun, is what we all need more of to be honest. For me, football was a 2-3 times a week hobby, training and playing, albeit in the past year before arriving Down Under, more playing for fun rather than competing, not to say our games weren't competitive...

Australia is a country known for its sports, and while I have no regrets, in all honesty I do wish I'd tapped into hobbies more. Money is always a factor, but I could have still done it. Football, Jiu-Jitsu, anything, I wish i'd done it. I love coaching sports, but playing is so engaging; I really miss it.

See this is why I love vocalising & visualising my thoughts because it really makes you think about things. When you have to put a thought into words, it doesn't just stay as a feeling, but something you must convey - the way you convey details how much, and what, it means to you. It took a voice note for me to think, when I'm home, I need hobbies back - ASAP. You know what I mean?

I basically wrote this whole paragraph to tell you I miss football, need it back, and feel lost without it. Okay? I really, really, have missed playing. It's been SO long.

On a side note, a hobby I may now take up, Rugby. Watching over playing, looks scary as, but I went to my first NRL game this week and it was awesone. 22-20 win for the Wests Tigers - now my team thanks to Sam - in a big game against rivals, Paramatta Eels. Couldn't forget to mention that; after finding seating, which took an eternity, probably the best advert for rugby league there is. What a game!

This weeks take aways

I'll keep this part short. You know what I'm going to say - be grateful. Please, be fucking grateful.

Every morning I wake up, and think about how this experience has shaped me, developed me, in parts ruined me, and yeah, just how it has made me evolve. Not change, evolve. I try to be as good as I can - good deeds, greeting people, you know, the basics. Share a smile, all that kind of stuff. It's very, very important.

Time is running down on my time in this absolutely incredible place. I wanted to say 'little place,' but Australia is huge, so, yeah, nah. But anyway, Australia, awesome, have loved it, and implore you - if you can - to come along. May even see you there; planning for that second stint is more than underway - watch this space.

Have the best week, give those you love an extra big squeeze, and remind your loved ones just how much they are loved.

More memories & smiles this week, barman.

Cheers,

Jamie