'Hitting home'

One night this week, it hit me all at once: 4 months left to go in Australia. Where on earth did time go, but also, what can I do to make this last part as fun as possible?

Welcome back, you. Nice to see you again. Not going to lie, it's been a pretty hectic week. Once again, work takes the forefront in many ways this week; it's picking up once again, hours are increasing, and shifts are coming round quicker than I'm prepared for most of the time! 

Amongst all this work lark though, I've been dealing with a few things - a bitter illness, a couple of doctors trips, home sickness, some financial rubbish, and...yes, another tattoo!

This week feels like its been a mix of absolutely everything. Stress, fun, laughs, sad moments, but all round I've come out of it much better. A more chilled out weekend was definitely needed, compared to the hectic weekend previous. 

A fridge full of wasted food

This sort of represents my week. Food going out of date; one night, I was so excited after work to cook salmon - at 1am albeit - only to realise, it's fucking out of date. Out of date. Come on. Being as busy as I've been this week, alongside dealing with whatever nasty virus it is I've had, has been a pain in the arse, to be honest with you. 

Life is funny isn't it, you build up a momentum, get to the gym, start to eat better, and boom - sick. Tired. Life gives you a good old kick up the arse. Beforehand, I've concerned myself too much with it, and thought something was against me, or blamed myself, but honestly it just happens; something out there is testing me, but I suppose you just have to get through it.

Earlier in the week, I woke up with a super sore throat, a nasty cough and a nose that would not stop running. It was shit. Some may call it "man flu", but honestly, i've not felt this bad for a while. Yes, a cocktail of Panadols, Nurofen and Oat Cappucino perked me up, but it was constant renewal to get through the shift - I relied on that cocktail to get me through the week. On numerous days I was so close to calling in sick, and while that did save me, it was something I read in a book - as you probably guessed, Anthony Bourdain's book - that gave me some energy. A desire to just toughen up and get on with it. 

Obviously exaggerating, Bourdain said: “Never call in sick except in cases of dismemberment, arterial bleeding, sucking chest wounds, or death of an immediate family member.” 

It's about that character, and showing up - that's my only hint I will give you for my new tattoo, but it is absolutely relevant, which leads me to my next point about 2026...

In search for action, over theory

I feel like with the prominence of higher education in modern life, a privilege considering most of our parents/grandparents couldn't attend university due to high costs, there has become somehwhat an obsession with theory. The need to have a set amount of principles, or sort of plan for something to happen. Honestly, I think I've fallen for it. I constantly yearn to plan, everything. I mean everything. Plans with friends, projects I'm working on, all sorts - I plan, and procrastinate, and it's a killer.

I've always been a "doer", but in the last couple of years, in the search to become more refined in what I do - or maybe more of a perfectionist - I've become more of a planner. An enjoyer of theory. While enjoying planning and structure is good, it kills natural flow. I've executed less in projects, ideas, and team environments, and honestly, it frustrates me. In an episode of Modern Wisdom, Chris Williamson - accredited thinker and media personality - describes your life as a film and asks: "If your life was a movie, what would the audience be SCREAMING for you to do next?" It got me thinking, and honestly, I have to reflect on my conviction as a person. I don't take risks enough. 

Since turning 18, I've felt like I need to 'be more' in what I do. Be more perfect. Be more structured. etc. In reality what I've needed is to continue my previously execution-first mindset, fail more, but in the process do more. This isn't a self-depreciation situation, I'm proud of what I do, but I just want more from myself - if I can't share this here, where can I?

This year, I've set out a strong list of principles, one of my favourite is action-first. Of course, think before you act, but don't overthink, don't become obsessed with planning, and trust yourself more. I've struggled with imposter syndrome and anxiety when it comes to execution in things I do a lot in the last 2 or so years, mainly because I think I search for perfection too often, or compare myself to others too much. This year, I want to change that. Do more for me, and in general, just do more, experience more, learn more, and hopefully reap the rewards of that.

Why has the thought hit me this week? Honestly, when I'm sick, and lay around, it makes me think. Often I overthink, and every now and again it pushes me into a "corner" in my mind where I think about what I want. This week, I decided I want to do more of not only what I'm good at, but what I'm passionate about. Writing is a huge one, this blog, my new football blog (myfootballdiary.blog.blogspot.com), I love it. It clears my head, and, I'd like to think I've got a decent writing skillset - despite previous criticism from English teachers about my writing structure. Sod them, is all I can say.

So yeah, learning a lot this week, lots of time in my head, and what I want from this year is a mindset that focuses on acting on what I say, and producing more. That's what I want.

The moment it hit me

A cold, but not too cold, pint of Stone & Wood. Not my usual. A pub/bar i'd never been to, a short pit stop before heading home. Maybe half way through? Don't know, something like that. BAM, it hits me, right in the face.

It's February 1st. Jesus. I got to Australia in June, It's been EIGHT yes EIGHT months. That to me is insane. I have four months left. How quick it has all gone by, all the stuff thats happened, the people i've met, lessons learned, time flies when you're having fun - well, i'm inclined to agree, with the additional sentiment: time flies when you're having fun and/or when you work in hospo!

I've said it for ages now, I need to do more. Unfortunately, my Melbourne trip is cancelled. I was looking forward to seeing WindowKid, exploring a new City, but it's out of my hands. My housing bond isn't with me, and god knows when i'll get it back. Frustrating is the cheapest word I can use, but honestly, the whole situation just caused so much stress. Over $1000 (£500~) of my money, not in my bank a month since it was due. I won't rant, but, if anything caused me the most stress this week, it's that. It's hard not to worry about money when you're living alone, half way across the world especially, but if I can't control - which in this very moment I can't - why dedicate any more time stressing about it? Shit? Yes. Controllable? No. Worth my time right now? Not at all.

Cancelling trips, especially when home-time is nearing is well, shit, but it just means I have to work a bit harder. Extra shifts at work, maybe even an extra job, just whatever it takes to get at least a few more memories made in this great country before I return home. 

Going home crosses my mind all the time, a lot when I first moved, since then it's like I've been in a time machine. Perhaps too, the fact Sydney feels like home, and I'm comfortable enough to leave here alone, says a lot about why it has gone so fast. Environment is good, I have friends, a source of income, it's a fantastic place.

Yes, I'm going home, but I know Sydney will always be a second home. I try to look through the lense of: "these are memories to tell my kids about," and really, the aim is just to make more of those, and come home safely to family, for whom I've missed so bloody much. Facetiming family to say morning or night, it never gets easier. It's so surreal. as grateful as I am for modern technology and the fact I can speak - and see the face of - my family members 10,000 miles from home, a simple hug is so much better, and nothing can replace that. Going home will be bittersweet, but an opportunity; excited and nervous. 

So much to do here, so much to look forward to at home. What a privilege that is. I'm so grateful.

Big John, an instagram star, and all-round let's face it top guy, said on instagram, while discussing his return to the UK from a brief tour in Australia: "If you've got family waiting for you at home, be grateful - you're lucky." Something along those lines. I never thought I'd be here quoting big John in any other situation than downing a Guinness in my local spoons, but it's true. I have family waiting for me, how lucky am I. Never forget how lucky you are to have people who can't wait to see you: family, friends, lovers, etc - that's such a privilege.

This weeks take aways 

Well, like I said above, being grateful for family. Their support, love, advice - god knows I've needed it this past couple of weeks, this whole journey, and also, well, life. My mum, step dad and grandma are the rocks of my life - how lucky I am. 

Another take away, without sounding like one of those mums who tells you not to drink Red Bulls, is that I need to sleep more. Lack of sleep, stemming from last weekends antics, have crippled my sleep schedule this week. Match that with work hours, and you have yourself a cauldron of shit moods stirring away. To start the week, I woke up at 6:30am, went to the doctors, and completed most of my to-do tasks before lunchtime. That's a good day. Fresh clean clothes & bedding, a mostly-cleaned room, refreshing start to the new week.

Finally, again, I'm so grateful for your support. Travel is awesome. It's fucking awesome, to be exact. But it pushes you around a bit amongst all the fun. It's like being in a mosh pit: you're gonna have loads of fun, surrounded by new people, a bit hectic, and every now and again something is going to hit you clean in the face, and that's okay. Get up, keep moshing, remember why you're there, and embrace it - sometimes the pain is just a medallion to show you've done it!

A big shoutout to all of those people who continue to show love, support and feedback to me, not only for me but for this blog. It really does mean a lot to me.

Another week, another blog! Thanks again for joining me, don't forget, we come back every Monday or Tuesday, once a week, so be sure to follow, share to a friend, and keep in the loop.

Have a great week, 

Jamie x