Departure Lounge

 Every time I've been in a departure lounge, it's always felt like the 'right time,' but this time felt so different...

'Our kid' is off home. I'm not even a manc - for my aussie mates, that means "Mancunian" [someone from Manchester, UK] - but still, that's what my mates are when I'm describing them. Most of the time anyway. Dec's been with me since September, and seeing him go, well to be frank, it's shit. 

I had a phone call with my mate Dan yesterday, the guy I do the podcast with, my best mate, and it's fair to say we covered a lot. We never do short calls, it's just how we are. We're talkers. The topic of Dec leaving has come up a lot. People naturally remind me I have mates here, which is nice, it's somewhat comforting, but the feeling of a mate leaving - a best mate - it's made me feel sort of isolated. A bit alone. I was going through some serious shit in Byron Bay when I lived there, the stress was crazy for a lot of my time there, but Dec came and we left, it was a new start. In a way, him leaving perhaps just makes me think back to what the experience was like before he got here - no real mates bar the great people I met through Gold Coast United FC where I coached, and a couple others I'd bet in and around Byron Bay. 

It was tough saying goodbye, and it's challenged my mentality - it's set me up nicely to write this week a bit about being 'solo', having less of a safety net, and the importance of putting yourself out there a bit more, not out of desperation for company, but rather for the sake of having fun.

Doing better, for me

I've never been concerned with my fitness so to speak. Grown up playing football 2-3 times a week, always kicked about with my mates, even did Jiu Jitsu for a bit growing up too. Actual fitness wasn't a problem. As you get older, your interests and insecurities change; like my dad was at my age, I'm pretty lean - arguably skinny. Do I like it? Well yeah, I'm a healthy weight, but I want to be larger. One of my goals in 2026 is to just be a bit more physically built & toned. 

Gym. "Get back to the fucking gym!" I've been saying it to myself for ages. The cut finger was a fair reason not to go, then it longed into excuses, blah blah. Eventually, I gave myself a good kick up the arse, and now go to the gym in a "day on, day off" structure. I was trying to think of things I did wrong last time: a big one was rest time. I thought overworking would help me, but rather it sapped my energy, made me sore, and kept me grumpy. Alongside that, I've changed eating habits. In my old job, I wasn't eating well, maybe having breakfast and dinner, that's it. In general, food wasn't that great, lacked substance you know? I just wanted easy, sort of alright meals, for little money. I'm now spending double what I used to spend, eating lots of protein - around 134g a day if I can - and even getting in the odd run.

I did my first run since October last week. Just got up, had the irk to go, and ran an ~8.5k around my local area and park surrounding it. It was awesome. Podcast on, Joe Rogan & Rick Rubin - talks of Red Hot Chilli Peppers' album recordings, while sweating like a freak, covered in rain on one of the stormiest days I've seen since moving to Sydney. Flying foxes, wicked little squirrel-looking things, and all sorts of nature - it was just an awesome run. Also my PB for longest run too, so, yeah, have that!

Fitness is a big one basically. I want to appeal more to myself. I struggle with image, I compare myself to others wayyyy too much, and I want to make that change. I can be bigger, I can improve my look, and I want to do that soon. Okay, yes, I care how someone thinks about me, but more so for me. I need to be better for me. Those sobering looks in the mirror every morning, they have a huge impact on your day. Why shouldn't I strive to look at myself and be a little more proud of how I look, and how hard I've worked to look that way, you know?

So yeah, I'm putting my 'big boy pants' on, and taking this shit by the horns. I'm determined to keep it up. I want this to work out so badly.

Say hello, wave goodbye

Get the reference? Maybe not. If not, education time...

David Gray is a well-known [I.e, get to know] singer famed for tunes such as 'Babylon', 'This Year's Love', etc. Your mum & Dad have probably had a good cry about you growing up listening to his music. I feel like that's his vibe. I mean, for me, he was just someone I discovered tramming to sixth form back in 2020. 

Further on from that though, "say hello, wave goodbye" means a lot to me, personally. 1st June 2025, please don't picture this, but it's about 10pm. Bags packed. Food eaten. Teeth brushed. Shower time - again, leave your imagination by the door for a sec, but leave a glass up to it. That last shower the night before my entire life changes, before I spend the next 29.5hrs in a big metal box, before moving 10,000 miles away. Fuck. It all hit at once, and you know the song that came on? Say hello, wave goodbye. That. So it means a lot.

Well, like I said before, Declan left yesterday, Monday, and it stings. He's been with me through almost every important event in my life in the last few years. School, College, Personal relationship situations, and now Australia. Holidays before this too, but he isn't so keen on talking about Poland...missed flight, yadder yadder. I'll wait for his permission to tell that one.

We went back to Lidcombe, where we used to live together, and it felt so odd. This was it. No more shouting "YO DEC CHECK THIS" whenever I found some instagram reel about a song we loved, or whatever. No more cooking and talking in the kitchen. Our first place, first adventure somewhere radically different, all over. His bags were packed, old stuff and unwanted bits left behind in the corner, bedding all in tact, now just a case of a shower, taxi to the airport, and yeah, he's a 'gonner',

Sure enough, the time came. I consumed as much Radiohead as I could while he showered, and then we head for the airport. Lucky for Dec, that can of Monster he put in the side of his bag, well it spilled everywhere, the lucky part is, the taxi bloke had no clue. Fine avoided, we take those small wins.

Stepping into the airport, it just felt odd. Yes we had two suitcases, one each, but both his. Both his. We waited round, eventually getting to the check-in desk, the lady, Jessica her name was, said: "just the two of you travelling?" Now that hurt. That really hurt. Naturally, because of how we are, in my mind I was going to say yes, but, not this time.

All checked-in, ready to set off home, one last hug, and a wave as he walked into departures. Heart-sank. That story, journey, adventure, done. Done. Shit, it's actually done. Radiohead with another mentioned, "high and dry" came on, and no lie, I shed a tear or two going down that escalator. 

Dec probably won't read this, it isn't his thing, but the profound impact he's had on me, the things we've been through together, and the way he's smashing life, I'm proud to call him my best mate. Not only that, but I hope you're lucky enough to have a mate like him in your life, because I know for one that his impact has changed my life, and for the better, without a doubt.

I'll miss him, but then again, only five short months and that'll be me. Damn. Time does fly, hey.

The 'plan' going forward

Like I said last week, there's no set plan, but I would like a tattoo. That's for sure. You''ll see when I get it done, but it's going to look wicked, I promise you that. This time, something a bit different, patch-work based. Should be fun. 

Living in this country without a solid, or somewhat solid, support network, now that'll be interesting. A first. I think this is when I'll learn the most, not only about adulting, but in general about me, who I am, what I stand for, my standards and expectations of myself and others.

This is a short paragraph because really the only plan is this: have fun, go and do that pub crawl, go and swim at that beach on a random morning, go on that road trip, fly to that city for a few days, just go and do it. To lose? Nothing, but the chance to make some wicked memories. 

Takeaways from this week

Honestly, that I'm more mentally resilient than I give myself credit for. The run, the gym, various projects on my to-do list, I've done them. I'm proud of myself, and you know what, I aim to say that more.

Another is just how lucky I am to have the mates I do. All backgrounds, nationalities, sexualities, all the rest of it - my mates are so diverse, and all impact me in different ways. I'm lucky, and can't wait to see what the next five months looks like with them.

Finally, actually on a blog note, you. You reading this means a lot. I get it, hundreds of words that maybe don't relate to you, but you read it. Maybe they will relate to you, I reckon they will in some way. Every word you read, I'm so lucky and grateful to have you. Thank you. It means a lot.

And hey, maybe tell a friend - that would help!

Thanks again for reading, I'm back every week on a Tuesday, see you next time.

Love,

Jamie