*Everyone* has something they worry about relentlessly. They obsesses over it. It can make or break their day. I'm discovering more about anxiety, specifically related to purpose & time...
Travelling opens up your mind to the reality of being an adult. You learn about indepdence. The reality of consequences following actions. Breakdown of relationships. All serious stuff. But with this comes the "kicking the can down the road" conundrum, and I want to get my thoughts off my chest.
When you travel, inevitably, the idea of going home lingers in your mind. Right there at the back, alongside where you left your keys the other night, or where that $5 note you found zipped off to. You get the point. It's there, but it's mysterious, you have days where you think about it all day, others where you forget it, and think: "shit, did I even call mum today?"
I try to call home daily. Not because i'm relentlessly home sick, or scared, but because it's good habit. If you can't be with family like you normally are every day, at least call them as often as you can -- for me, that's almost daily. When you talk to family at home, it does make you miss home more, but they - at least for me - always remind me how lucky I am, and maybe the anxiety of not being home settles a bit.
The problem? It makes me think of when I leave here. Like I'm in between two places I love, and I'm stuck. My mental health, for whatever reason, dictates that when things go well, I must then start worrying about time: running out, what will you do, have you got enough time - that for me is just relentless, it rarely stops. Plus, when you travel, you are often their temporarily, working a temporary job, often meeting people you only see temporarily - that amount of insecurity, inconsistency and lack of durability when it comes to long-term plans sometimes just freaks me the fuck out. To put it somewhat how I'd word it.
What do I do when I get home? Do I come back? What job do I want? Do I want to get into a relationship? All these questions, which I beat myself up for a lot, always come up. Is travel to blame? No. But it has amplified my thoughts. I'm alone more to acknowledge them.
Which brings me to a conversation. Somehwhat helpful, somewhat not, but it made me curious. It made me question purpose, time, and understand reality...
The English bloke in an Industrie top...
I like playful subheadings, in case you couldn't tell. But it's true. It was an English bloke, presumably on sight - and as he later claimed - a successful one too.
It started off with his order. I'm on a closing shift, the Monday before Christmas. Hour before we shut the bar and start cleaning up. "Two sailor Jerry's and coke, tall glass. Then, two Tequila & Dry, squeeze of lime, short glass - the posh ones, you know? Cheers mate."
Significant because, I rarely forget a customers order. They usually come up and get the same thing over and over, and one of my skills is remembering that, and names. I pride myself on my communication skills. Work can be boring for some, but if you actually take a second to observe, listen, and talk, you will make some interesting conversations, maybe even mates. How exciting is that? Adds another layer of fun to the job, I suppose you just have to remember to actually get the job done - that's your balance.
After a couple of trips, he eventually asked: "Where you from mate?" I reply, like always, "Nottingham, you know there?" Most Aussies ask if it's in London. It's two hours away for gods sake. Then again I remember, 2 hours for the aussies is often a trip to the beach on a Wednesday before work, so that's proximate to London in their minds. Anyway, he replies: "Ah yeah. I know it. Some nice birds down there..." Obviously goes on to mention that "back in his day" there were more women than men in Nottingham, and nights out were the best. Can someone from the 70's/80's verify this from a 90's Nottingham perspective?
This wasn't the crucial part though. We obviously bonded being English. Drinks had been served, and he mentioned he's on a work night out. Owns a tech company, spends his summers in India or Australia. Mostly India. He didn't mention much more than that his company does IT, and how he navigates tax - an interesting top I understand, but wouldn't wish to expand too much on due to the fact that, well, I don't fancy it being seen as advice and facing some sort of lawsuit.
The most important point? You've got time. He said those exact words. He didn't get into tech till he was 31. At 41 he had his IT company, and himself took home £600k after tax. Did he see that as a victory? No. He saw it as a £400k loss in tax, and wanted to navigate it further to avoid that tax. Presumably why he now puts work nights, travel, all of it on expenses. But that one piece of advice, the relatability of his story, his example, I liked it.
I'm not sure about you, but stories you see online that rarely detail the journey, but marvel the success, they don't help me. I'll take interest, but I'll mentally compare, or complicate how I can do well in my journey. Stories like his, Phil his name was, give me a better understanding: he was older than me when he started. When he first understood IT in a business sense. He was double my age when he started the company. Meaning, it took him more than my life time, add eleven years, to find his passion. A futher ten to execute on that. He's right, time is on my side.
Morbidly, people say "tomorrow isn't promised," which yes is true, but that doesn't mean don't prepare for tomorrow to be another big day.
Hearing advice, and using it are different things. Since the chat, I still worry about being "stationery", like I'm not doing enough, but in reality it is just anxiety. I need to get into the "Me v Me" mindset more - his story proves you can do whatever you want if you work hard, and apply yourself. I just need to break that mental barrier.
Unfortunately, that barrier did halt me a bit this week, I'll be honest...
Missing the boxing day party...
It's been a week of low-feeling, if you didn't gather. I missed my colleagues boxing day party and to tell you the truth, I feel like a dick for it. I just stayed home, cooked, slept. Boring, unproductive, and I regret not going.
I love parties. I love bonding with mates. I love beers, as much as anyone. But that day, it just wasn't the day. Christmas without family, I think it impacted me more than I expected. Travelling, comes with its ups and downs, but this has certainly been a tough one.
Enjoying your own company can be hard when you're in your head too much. I think that made Christmas harder. But like anything new, it's tough, challenging, bittersweet - but what did I gain? Resilience, strength, an extra couple beers I suppose, and in all seriousness, probably thicker skin. It's okay to feel sad, and I just have to let the moment pass, and so I did.
The week stayed pretty tough, but that's how it goes. I won't let 2025 end on that note though, not because "2026 is going to be my year" - the biggest bullshit phrase going - but because I don't want to end a year that taught me a lot, and made me truly an adult, to end on a note like this.
Kitchen power
I've mentioned him before - Anthony Bourdain. A famous new-yorker, a cook famed for his outlook on life, his travel shows, books, and many brilliant photographs exploring the world, especially Asia. The kitchen has been a source of stress & fun for me, through my job in my family pub/restaurant in the UK. Over in Australia? I've learned it's an outlet, for everything: stress, anxiety, love, everything.
Headphones on, it makes it so much better. Music. Special, special shit. I'm not a genre lover, but I'm a sucker for a crisp, often 'deep' guitar chord or two. Alice in Chains ring a bell? Not the vibe in this story, but give them a listen. Acoustic Deftones covers too. Word.
Boxing day. 'Woolies' was still open, and I mean just. 11:20pm, I leave the house, all in warm clothes - it was a truly cold night - headed to the big green shop nearby, and just wandered. I pondered on making chilli, threw rhe stuff down and instead thought about yogurt with fruit, then put that down, before I saw the discount section. Discounted turkey mince, then some salad. Greek salad, yes, great idea. So I come home, loaded with Mince, Salads, sauces and herbs, and get to work on a midnight Mediterranean feast. All made, batch cooked for a further two days of meals, and the music I listened to? Jazz. New jazz? Berlioz? So, so good.
I felt nothing but happy. I'm not a bloody gourmet chef, I cook simple things, but I love it. I love to share it with people, Friends, family, dates - I love the connection between me, the food, the moment, the music. Ultimate love circle right there.
One other thing? I've not mentioned anything negative during this moment. Cooking doesn't fix the problem, or kick the can down the road so to speak, but it relaxes you. Forces you to put things into perspective, and just act on neccesity - the need to eat. Other things, small irrelevant things, don't matter. I need to eat, I'm hungry, and I love the act of cooking - why overcomplicate it?
I suppose the same is with my current situation. Christmas, alone, necessities: survive, stay occupied, and smile as much as I can. Don't overcomplicate it. I'm still learning, but like cooking, I need to try and approach things a bit more relaxed, and not overcomplicate, and in tern overthink the situation.
Christmas at Coogee
I keep saying Christmas without mentioning the big day. Santa didn't turn up, apparently he does bank transfers now, so I thank him for his generosity -- on a serious note, thank you to family for your kind gifts! Santa, where do you get your dollar from??
Anyway. Coogee, yes. Thousands of half-naked santas, beachgoers, partyharders, mexicans, brits, irish, aussies, all of it. A concoction of nationalities, vibes, all the rest of it. It was bloody mental. Shoutout to my workmates Jakub, Arthur, Maya, and those we met later in the day - 'mis Hermanas,' they will get the reference. They made Christmas so special. We swam, the waves threw me around like a Lesnar against a Mysterio. It was bloody choppy.
After a swim, and an hour of shivering, fish and chips before a Latin rave. I danced for a while, gave it my best shot as a "white boy embracing the culture," before I decided it was home time.
A bus, a train and a walk. Christmas complete. Pasta was a new Christmas dinner, but it made me realise how simple life can be. It's a new experience, but I embraced it - sometimes got upset - but I embraced it.
What a strange Christmas, a good one, one I will never, ever forget. I implore you to give it a try, even if it is just one time.
This weeks take-aways
Be grateful for those around you.
I'm sad I wasn't surrounded by my usual loved ones this year, but instead, "the orphans", as we often call ourselves as travellers far from home, have eachother. I've learned the lesson of being grateful, and not taking what, and more importantly WHO you have for granted.
Travelling brings so much joy, fun, playful moments, and the challenges, just embrace it. Everyone you meet on that journey, embrace them. One beer, one night, or several beers over several years, enjoy it. People come and go, the constant in your life is you. Enjoy what you have, because there is someone out their begging for a life like yours. Even more so, enjoy it because you have the chance to. We've all grown up and lost people, make them proud. They would have given everything to be here, so don't waste a moment.
I have no clue what this next half of my Australian trip is going to be like, or the 'cards' I'll get dealt. How exciting. Mysterious.
It'll be the last time we speak before New Year, so without rambling on about 2025 - I'll do that next blog - I just wanted to wish you the best year for you, your family & friends. Don't forget, whatever happens, you are worthy, wonderful and powerful. Enjoy this year. Make the most of the opportunities that come your way, and keep loving.
I'm so grateful for your support. Maybe I'm just a word on a screen to you, and you a reader, but it's more than that. I'm so grateful for you.
Happy new year, and see you next year - lol.
Jamie :)
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