Sorting my sh*t out

Finally, shit is getting sorted out...

It hasn't only just dawned on me that savings have dried up, or that I'd love to explore this country even more, and the reality is that, I need to get my shit together to do that. I love that word: shit. Means so many different things. but in this case, it means my finances, it means my job, it means my organised brain, my relationships, all sorts. And finally, I think I may actually be settling in, and sorting - yes I'm going to say it again - my shit out.

When it first came to living indepdently, albeit with my mate in a shared home, I never anticipated some of the issues. To be happy, and to have some sort of success, savings, etc, you need to have all your ducks in a row. Looking back, I wish I'd planned for this trip an extra year before, how the savings would have helped. But honestly, can I really look back with regret?

The hunger to find somewhere new to live after leaving Byron Bay. Yearning for a big city. The hunger after losing my job to find a new one. The hunger I had after asking to borrow money to make my own money once again and not be in that position. That, I cannot regret, but see the lessons in. 

So here was my week...

Its been bloody busy, to be honest

Working a new job is always interesting. Can be fun, can be, well, shit. I'm fortunate, the first fortnight or so of working there has been awesome. Isn't time, and perspective, so incredible by the way: three weeks ago I was upset, crying walking out of my old work office. Bag slanted round my shoulders, shirt undone by two buttons, hair a mess, hands still trembling. Now? Tired, bloody tired, 'hospo' holds no prisoners, but my god I love this job. The laughs on shift, sometimes at someone - and I kid you not this happened - asking for Sparkling Champagne, or the beers after work, it feels like a family. Still early doors, but I love it. 

Almost fourty hours a week too, it's a lot, but I love it. I don't have time to even think about buying tickets to Doja Cat - despite the peer pressure from Declan. Sorry, off topic.

I called my best mate Dan this week. To be honest, we try and call a few days a week, even at 'inconvenient' times, that chat means a lot to me. Even he said how nice it was to call me, and quite frankly, for me to be sounding happy and not just moaning about life, and money. He didn't word it like that, Dan's too kind, really I know he wanted to tell me to shut up with my whinging (moaning for the Aussies) and just strive for something better. He said it in his way, I knew what he meant. He's been so important in me feeling happy again, and learning to just enjoy the experience, good and bad. At least I have the opportunity to experience this. Being broke in Sydney'. See what I did there?

Anyways...

AC/DC

In short, old men shouldn't be moving like that. Then again, AC/DC aren't old men, but legends. When the offer to watch them came up, I couldn't say no. They are iconic.

Bit silly of us, but me and Dec went to go and play football before. The venue was awesome, I just bought new Predator football boots - belters by the way - on offer for $102. Unreal bargain. My team won 9-7, Dec can say he scored against me though, which trumps my beautiful volley goal. At least so he reckons...

Blistered, tired, and Dec having rolled his ankle, we rushed home, grabbed a kebab, and showered before rushing in the Uber to Olympic park. We missed 'Back in Black', oops, but saw the rest of the show, and it was brilliant.

Up in the gods, yes. Bucket list moment though? Yes. Completed it mate, as a wise English bloke once said. AC/DC was awesome, I think it's their last tour, at least for now, so what a privilege it was to be able to see them live! They were actually great, in mostly top form.

Bands and concerts, another reason I'm loving this trip. Dizzee Rascal, Oasis, AC/DC - that's quite the lineup isn't it...

Lifts, Grapefruit Juice, and long nights

Yes, I'm discussing work again. This wasn't so fun at the time, but I'll look back on it fondly. I giggled atferwards, but believe me, I was shitting bricks in the moment.

A long Friday night. Later finish. Aiming for a 1am close, hit a 2:30am close. Late. Quite a few functions, mixed with a lot to get through, it was just a recipe for a late night, way later than I've ever worked that's for sure. One of the jobs? Stock. Low on all sorts of drinks and bits. 

After cleaning two of the smaller bars, me and my colleague went to get stock. I'd never been to the stock room, so it was all new. We did a few trips, but every time we went in the lift, I just felt uneasy, so much so, before we went to get more stock, I grabbed my phone, just in case my gut was right. Would you believe it, it was. 

Stock was done. I'm knackered. Sweaty, covered in excess alcohol, and in general just, well, fucked. We go to drop off the trolley, once again in that stock area, using that lift. We drop the trolley off, head to the lifts, armed with nothing but our phones, and I had a bottle of Grapefruit juice - was mint by the way, as I know you're definitely interested in that. In the lift, click the button, it shudders a bit, and all of a sudden it just stops working. No button worked. Stuck. 2:20am ish. That ENTIRE shift, and it's us who get stuck, just as we want to go. The higher powers have a funny knack for playing games with us, don't they? Always right as you're about to finish.

Eventually, another colleague ran over and clicked the emergency button to get us out. Finally, now out of the lift, I thought it was beer time. As we went over, I then remembered I left my bag in the staff room, now locked. I had to unlock it, work out the door, and by the time I got back downstairs, everyone was leaving.

So throughout everything, what was I most aggrieved about? Missing out on that cold Peroni after shift. Friday was mental, don't fancy another one like that again.

Tough decisions ahead

You know me, on here, or to be honest anywhere, I tend not to shy away from the big issues facing me. Right now, I can't say I'm struggling with anything really that big. I've suffered with anxiety for a while now, but I have coping mechanisms. I miss home, but I've gauged how to deal with that. Has been almost six months after all. Six months on December 2nd, damn.

Anyways. The tough decisions. Yeah, I want to move out. Lidcombe served its purpose - cheap, relaxed place to live. But now I need to move. Issue is, Declan does too, or I think he does, to be honest I'm not sure, but he can only live somewhere for a month - it's rare you find somewhere with one month leases, it's even more rare if those places are somewhere you'd want to live. Lidcombe isn't bad, it's safe, nice community, etc, but is it what I want? No. Is there night life? No. Is there beaches? Not within an hours transport. That's the issue. I want my last half of this trip of a lifetime to be surrounded by beaches, night life, things to do. I need to make more friends, be closer to my current friends, and experience this properly. 

The problem is, I want to move, with Declan, but the situation just isn't matching up. Right now, it looks like our last two weeks together in Australia, we will live apart. That doesn't sit right, but at the same time, it's a 'necessary evil' for the sake of the trip. I need to secure a house, either way, him here or not, that has to happen, the lease ends in January anyways.

Having to choose between being with your mate, who by the way saved me when I was in a truly awful situation, and wanting to live somewhere nicer, it's bloody hard. Him encouraging me to just find somewhere helps, but not being around him for the last couple weeks - or at least not living with him - is going to be bloody hard.

Honestly, in my heart of hearts I don't want to move until he's gone, but I know that for the sake of my time here, moving just before he goes makes the most sense. In truth, I'm scared of living alone a bit. I know I can do it, but it's just another new experience I suppose. Living together hasn't been straight-sailing, it never is, no matter how close you are.

We argue about the pots, debate $130 bridge walks - Dec if you're reading this, I hope that made you giggle - and the lot. But at the end of the day? We still listen to Alice in Chains in the kitchen over a freshly-cooked "fridge emptier" meal, and have a laugh. That's friendship. The conflict used to concern me, now I just laugh with it, and move forward. We have bad days, sometimes we blame it on eachother, but at the end of the day, living together isn't always perfect - as much as we'd love it to be.  All this makes it hard to leave. Living together has added an extra layer and dynamic to our friendship, and it feels like when I go, I'm leaving a really special period for our friendship. 

So yeah, basically, I'm sentimental, a bit scared, and overall just preparing for a tough transition when he leaves. But if I can't be honest, and vulnerable, what can I be? That's the whole point of this blog.

What to take-away from this week

Probably just addressing how you feel. Good and bad.

When you say you feel good, out loud, in any scenario, as long as you truly mean it, your mind will push you toward positive thoughts for most of that day. Cognitive positive bias, something like that. I've recognised that by saying I'm happy, and actually embracing the feeling, it carries over for longer.

Same as when I'm upset, or I need to rant, perhaps even just question a situation, I just do it. I don't fancy holding back anymore, I feel like it does myself, and the unresolved situation a massive disservice. Just say how you feel - to yourself, or someone else.

Another thing to take away is probably just enjoying what you do. Shifts go quicker, yes, but you build connections. I've wanted an environment like this for so long. I can afford to get drinks now, go out, have fun. I have to enjoy these moments, and just be sustainable, that's it. 

My time here in Australia is only guaranteed on a visa basis until the start of June, I'm not counting down, but I'm embracing every day I get here. Maybe another tough decision is the whole second year visa situation, but right now, It's too early to think about it. 

Six months and one day left in Australia, roughly. I can't wait for what's next.

Hopefully not being stuck in a lift, but if it is the case, please be Grapefruit juice, and god hope I'm wearing jorts and not jeans. Those lifts are roasting.

Without further adue, that's enough from me. Another weekly blog. Love writing these.

If you enjoy reading them, do follow my BlogSpot account, and don't forget to catch up every Monday, 11am GMT, or 10pm AET (For my aussie fellows).

Have a great week, and thanks for stopping by!

Jamie